Bye Bye Dublin

2 years seemed like a long time when I was waiting for a release from the vicious never ending cycle of school board exams…..I remember then looking at a cow chewing the cud- u know, the way they tend to, and thinking, how perfect it would be to be a cow…eat, chew and sleep! No exams, no daily lectures on the necessity of academic brilliance…..! (those were pre climate change hoopla days when a cow meant just a cow to the vegetarian me, now I see a cow, I think of greenhouse gases, cow as legitimate food category –raw and cooked!! Etc etc etc....). Anyway, I am deviating from the point, where was I, yes, 2 years then stretched on like a never ending road ….but the 2 years in Dublin….. have whizzed past without me realising for a moment that the time was ticking away at such a furious pace!!

I still remember my first sight of Dublin……vastness of sea, a bit of a port …all next to verdant fields! Beautiful! Now I am headed for an exactly opposite place….a land locked country which is a desert!!!! Contrasts of experience and beauty !!

Strange as it sounds, I will miss the Dublin weather. For one, it is the reigning preoccupation of everyone- the weather forecast. Weather controls the psyche of the population…..everyone lives in the hope that one day, the beautiful, perfect, warm sunny day will descend from paradise on Dublin! And everyone lives in the hope that today is the day! The fact that this happens for precious few days in a year (countable on fingers) means that everyone faces disappointment more often than success!! And Yet, each day, the cycle of hope continues! Without my realising it, I had joined this ‘gang of hope’! Never ever in my life I was in the habit of waking up in the morning and peering outside the window to see what the weather is like…u see, in India, weather follows the not so hot, hot and hotter cycle….so each summer day is pretty much the same as the other, …..day to day variations are pretty minimal and ofcourse, there is no scope of harbouring hope….summer will be fiery hot –day after day!





But the Dublin weather taught me valuable lesson or two
- Always be prepared…carry an umbrella and a raincoat ALL the time (umbrellas break and cant be used in face of RAGING winds). By extension, it means be prepared for anything in life!!
- It made me gain a new found appreciation for the sun….and sunshine! I will never be able to curse the Sun again! That’s because sunshine is a very dear commodity here…. I am so thankful to my organisation for packing me off for months to sunshine lands! Else, I would be Vitamin D deficient by now.

Leaving behind the weather will feel like leaving behind a part of me!!! I am sure that I will be the sole frequent visitor on the live camera weather coverage website of Guinness! (from an installation on the top of their Dublin factory in Dublin- it was finally installed after many postponements- because of the weather!!

Dublin bus….another staple that I will miss. My very dear 130 which has been an everyday part of my life! I will miss the familiar strangers on the bus stop whom I see everyday, smile at everyday ….once in a while share a line( about, what else, the weather!! )but strangers never the less! Each day, my bus pass greeted the bus with a loud beep- after which I would quickly scan for my favourite seats in the bus….and spend the next few minutes peering out of the widow trying not to get impatient with the bus stops every 50 mtrs! I will surely miss my routine of listening to music in the bus….quiet, peaceful time with myself and my ipod! Will also miss the odd smiles- from evesdropping into someone’s conversation or watching the kind driver stop for ages to allow an old woman to cross the street and board the bus!



I am already getting the separation pangs from the two things which, for me, describe Dublin’s physical characteristics….the vegetation and the sea! Sea, the beautiful, forever cold expanse which greets me everyday, dotted with wind surfers and ferries…..and the trees…which provide Dublin with its visual drama- the wonder canvas changing with the weather! The joy of seeing the streets and garden aflame in autumn and the sight of little leaves unfurling in spring is so wonderfully uplifting! Loved that (in context of the fact that I come from a country which is, pretty much defined by evergreen trees- where winter is the time for flowers to bloom, spring is the death period of flowers and where autumn is a season which we know of because we were told so in school. Don’t know why in India we have not changed our paradigm from 4 seasons to 3 – summer, monsoons and winters!!!!)





I hope that I have not become too used to the organised and clean city (I know Dubliners will disagree and so will ones from other parts of Europe, but remember, my comparison base is chaotic, rules in the wind, trash reigning supreme and dusty India….and before my Indian friends gang up to greet me at New Delhi airport with a protest march, I should specify that I love India - complete with its chaos, ample faults and equally ample strengths!!). All this time that I have been in Dublin, I have tried to keep the practice of looking left-right-left (ad nauseum)…with each step as I cross the street. But lately, I have caught myself slipping up and sinking into the luxury of knowing that the cars will stop when the lights command them to do so! (In India, this cannot be taken for granted as there are many true followers of Gandhiji who stand up against any orders which attempt to curb their freedom….including right of zipping around the city uninhibited by redlights!) Hopefully, this ‘slipping up’ is not as yet a habit, if it is, then it spells a bad omen for my survival chances in the next couple of months after I leave Dublin !!! I think Dublin (or the parts which I frequent in any case) is a great balance on cleanliness…..it is more or less clean but not manically clean like Switzerland!

Ireland shares an interesting relationship with Britain. India and Ireland, both share the same colonisers. In India, I don’t see a ‘hangover’ hate anymore…..UK is looked up for its economic opportunities (much like other developed countries) but them being the ex colonisers does not impact our everyday decisions/conversations or even political decisions. Ireland is the opposite, Britain is hated…..its accent, its attitude ….anything which links Ireland to Britain, be it economy, organisations or people….that is resented! Working in an organisation originally from Britain meant that I had more than my fair share of hearing the Britain bashing! Now that I will move away from Ireland and even from a Britain based organisation, I have a feeling that I will miss this banter!!

The accent….I still carry with me an untrained ear as far as accents are concerned but I have managed to catch on the Irish one….and more importantly, distinguish between the British and the Irish accent. On a good day, I am even able to make out a Northern Ireland accent from that of the Republic!!! (am so proud of myself)….still, will admit that some of the thickest Irish accents continue to evade me!! I remember my dad running into one of these accents and turning around to ask “what language is he speaking in’???!!!! I will definitely carry a fond memory of the accent!!!

As I write this piece, its winters and Christmas is fast approaching. Dublin in winters is not the best place to be in (but not the worst)….what makes it all interesting are small things…..like the fairy lights along the river which greet me like blue and white coloured stars as I walk along the river- converting the darkness magically into a cheerful and peaceful sight all at the same time. As Christmas approaches, even in these recessionary times, Dublin starts reflecting the cheer. The decorated with lights markets, the decorated shop windows, Christmas fairs, the crush of people in the markets thronging for Christmas shopping, the choirs singing carols….the parties …..and the happy and warm sight of Christmas tree lights twinkling in each house…..it is, truly a magical time! Next year around, I will surely surely surely miss living through this magic!



I will miss Clontarf…….I know the Southsiders will read this and think ‘How can anyone miss the Northside!’….but snob behaviour aside, I love Clontarf….with its sea, the beautiful sea front, its beach full of wind surfers (weather or cold water do not allow other ‘beachy’ pursuits), St Anne’s park, farmers market on Saturday, its tree filled areas……..and its safety….never for a moment, even at 3 am, did I feel a bit scared here (contrast that to city centre whose corners plunge into depths of being infested by unruly drunkards). Come on Southsiders, come over, pick up the courage, cross the river and discover a whole new world!!

I will also miss the Dublin Gurudwara ….I loved its simplicity and its langar (the best vegetarian Indian food in Dublin by a long shot). Though not a Sikh, I still loved going there few times in a year on a Sunday and listen to the prayers being sung….. enjoy the food and listen to conversations in Punjabi (supposedly my native language)!! I loved looking at the small kids in the Gurudwara….the little girls, dressed in traditional clothes chattering away in Irish accented English!!! One sees the interplay of immigrant mentality in the Gurudwara….of parents who want themselves and their kids to hang on the fringes of their native culture…..and children, seamlessly blending their two influences…..but would be interesting to see how well these kids cope up with the twin pressures 10 years from now!!




I will be called a traitor towards those who gave me the work permit if I did not include a paragraph, atleast, on Guinness. Guinness, the national identity of Ireland, the national love- the love of Guinness is the litmus test which decides whether one can be included in the hallowed halls of being Irish or an acceptable version of being that! Well, I am not going to miss Guinness because I never really developed a taste for it….nevertheless, I have tucked in quite a few pints. Atleast I am better than Shw, who, at Guinness factory tour, chose a fizzy drink over a free pint!!!!!!!!! Now THAT is scandalous and unpardonable. If shared with the authorities, shw’s visa could have been revoked for insulting the nation!

But what I WILL miss are the plethora of pubs strewn across each every corner of Dublin!! The watering holes which form an integral part of everyone’s life! The concept of neighbourhood Kiryana shop of India has been replaced here by a neighbourhood pub! Hopping across to a pub free country from here would be a shock….and I am sure to miss them!

This piece will not be do justice to Ireland if I don’t mention the Irish people- the warm, friendly bunch who are ready with a smile and a beer for anyone! …..Cant recollect how many times have I been asked if I needed help coz I was looking lost on the street, or old women chatting me up about my country or skin colour (all in a good way) ……Ireland truly lives upto its reputation of being a warm country inhabited by people with a friendly gene! (long live the inbreeding among Irish forced coz of it being an island)!!

And finally, my friends and colleagues who made living here a happy experience. But this is an issue of another piece!!




As of now, the farewell time has begun- the wheels of transition are grinding hard and fast! The house is slowly metamorphosising into a packing yard- strewn with packaging material and suitcases! As this chapter closes, I am wondering whether and when I will be back?

After having made a few shifts of residences, one would imagine that nostalgia would become a jaded feeling ….but surprisingly, that is something that has not yet happened with me! The feeling of being uprooted never ceases and continues to do a replay each time I pack my bags….the goodbye’s to friends don’t become easier…..Thankfully, the human heart and mind is an amazing piece of art- it can accommodate all the memories without erasing the old ones! Each experience adds to what one is ….and therefore, I am sure that I will carry a piece of Dublin and my life here forever! All I can hope is that I am, indeed, going back with positive changes in myself….that I have absorbed the good things that Ireland had to offer….and that these changes will reflect in my everyday actions for all my life.

But for now……..a new life with new adventures beckons me (given the location, it is bound to be an adrenalin filled one!) …. I am looking forward with anticipation to the starting this brand new journey and to being together with Shw again!! Hopefully, the reign of positive experiences will continue and you will read yet another nostalgia filled bye bye piece from me!

Disclaimer: Call it getting old or just plain soggy emotions but this must be the first piece I have written which does not really have a potential for hurting sentiments of anyone! But being the extremely cautious person that I am, I will still go ahead with an unconditional apology to anyone whose sentiments may have been hurt by this piece. Like always, license to exaggerate remains firmly in my hands! All jabs at anyone/anything are purely in good humour!

Footnotes
1. Gurudwara- the temple of the people belonging to Sikh religion.
2. Langar- free, vegetarian meals served in a Gurudwara as a blessing. Its significance lies in it being a symbol of equality- where anyone, regardless of caste, class, gender, religion can come together to eat together as equals
3. Kiryana shop- grocery shop

Gaza revisited- 9 months after the war

I sat in East Jerusalem, watched the buzz of the old town with its chaos and mish mash of life passing by but at the back of my mind, I was thinking of what lies in store for me the next day -the day I had to do the crossing into Gaza from Erez . I guess it goes for everyone who crosses – for the first or the nth time, there is always this fear – in anticipation of how would it be…will one be turned back, will one be asked top 10,000 questions in the Israeli defence forces book, will one whisk past in 10 mins or will it be a 2 hr ordeal…..

‘Why do you want to go to Gaza, Gaza is a bad place’ these were the words of Israeli officials in the Interior ministry when I sat infront of them seeking a way out of my inability to enter Gaza coz of visa issues. The word Gaza had ensured that the only possible solution was 15 days away! (the word Gaza always evinces instinctive reactions- it usually means a wait and some form of minor torture!).

Is Gaza an independent country or is it occupied territory?? Two mutually exclusive options are
a. If it is independent, then one should need a visa from Palestinian /Gaza authorities to enter Gaza. In this case entry back into Israel should need a visa.
b. If it is occupied territory then Gaza is a part of Israel and therefore there should be no need for a visa to enter Israel back given the fact that one had not left the country in any case!

How can the two mutually exclusive options have an overlap! Well, in case of Gaza, the impossible happens!!! While the ‘permit’ to enter Gaza is issued by the Israelis and Israelis alone (gaza side does a bad job of even recording who enters!), Israelis still treat Gaza as an international boundary and therefore consider an entry back into Israel as possible only with a valid visa!
I for one would be ecstatic if option a. was really true….but it is not. Does existence of this rule mean that Israelis officially agree to two nation theory and therefore agree that Palestine has a right to exist as an independent nation? Do they agree to a fragmented holy land? Any Israeli politician/official who would say this would probably have a couple of days to live before being butchered the kosher way…..so how come this policy of treating Gaza as international boundary exist (in some semi official manner)! Weird!

But then, one can not argue with Israeli officials….they ofcourse don’t smile, and after a couple of times of explanations, they manage to convey v clearly (without using overt means) that one more word and the machine gun will be pointing at your head! Sensible people turn into sheep and run off….which is exactly what I did when I was turned back from the border. My parents will read this paragraph with tears in their eyes…..they know of me as a militant arguing person when face to face with unreasonable officials of any kind in India…….they have been hoping that I metamorphosise into a sane, calm butterfly …..guess they will feel let down when they see that the metamorphosis did happen….but what came out was a mere moth!! Their tigress in India is a tigress because she knows that her arguments will eventually be heard….but who cowers down when she is in face of unmovable Israelis (and ones armed to the teeth!). Am really worried about this observation of myself….means that I am no better than an ordinary road side bully!!!
Have I ever mentioned before how I have started thinking of Indian police as bumbling fools…see, even if they hold a gun, it is usually an ancient variety which may not even fire a bullet straight….and add to that the police persons would probably have to move their overflowing waist hanging over the holster before they could even touch the metal! Well, Israeli forces are the exact opposite…..they are a yummy looking bunch of lean, mean, fighting machines – literally! Guns look like a natural extension of their bodies!! And I know they know how to shoot!
Anyway, tried Erez next day again on advise of UN….and voila …got thru- 10 mins flat…no questions, no arguments!!!!! Now I was worried about the trip back!
The lonely walk from Erez crossing from Israel side towards the Gaza side is an eerie one….for one, it is pretty desolate, it’s a long 300 mtrs one which seems MUCH longer…..and one is always conscious of what could happen- bored Israeli forces doing practice shooting being the worst! (and that actually happens !) If alone, the best option is to hire a porter….who will then proceed to talk to you non stop for the journey about your family and his….but NEVER failing to point out the empty bullet shells gathering dust! It is like they get their piece of fun knowing that this will not fail to send a wee bit of tremor down the lilly livered non Gazans! Don’t grudge them their piece of fun!!

9 mths on- how had Gaza changed….will the scars of war still be evident? Will the mood of the population be more upbeat? I was leering out of the widow paying scant attention to my colleague from Gaza who was chattering away in his cheery way (He ALWAYS has a smile, it is wonderful- and saccharine sweet)

The border had changed dramatically….they were writing down details meticulously on who was entering and even had a amiable person manning the Swine Flu booth (You are from India?, I had a friend named Chandini from India….I did not dare to ask what the ‘friendship ‘ was)!! They checked the bags well….found the liquor and let it go with a smile ‘Its only one bottle’!! Was happy, would be a waste to let non enthusiasts enjoy mango vodka! (Mango vodka is the best of both worlds coming together in a seamless whole!). Some of you will actually believe this but I truly was carrying the bottle for a friend (and not beause I am in a habit of carrying a paua everywhere with me- Ma, don’t cry I am not a bevri )!!

Anyway, turns out that the high level of activity was only to keep tabs on Fatah supporters attending the Fatah General Body meeting ongoing at that time in Jerusalem! After all, Hamas had a promise to keep ‘ Any person who comes back from the Fatah conference will need a new pair of legs’!!

Well, Gaza in reality turned out to be a mixed bag….the rubble was cleared, the stark signs of buildings burnt by phosphorous gone but the buildings were still in a rubble….only now the bulldozers had shifted the rubble a bit! The large government buildings damaged/destroyed showed no sign of rebuilding activity. What had changed was that a large majority of people who had lost their homes in the war had been able to rebuild – using a collection of salvaged bricks and a bit of new bricks to build atleast one room. One room, v congested etc but one room more than what they had a few months back. In that way, the development was better than what one can see in some other parts of the world. But construction, at the level needed, was just not possible with Israel’s siege of 2 years ensuring that no construction material entered Gaza. All material they have is what has been smuggled from the Egyptian tunnels..making the cost of construction prohibitive.

Most people impacted by the war had also received some support or the other from charity groups/government. The support ranged from money to food to medical aid….however, the process of selection seemed chaotic…. some very obvious families receiving much lesser than others less vulnerable. Good cases abound….so do those of obvious misses.

The markets in Gaza showed a definite sign of revival….the shops were open and full of products. The prices were down from the insanely high levels in the immediately aftermath. Petrol and cooking gas was once again available. This is because the tunnels are working well now, not because the Israeli’s have loosened the siege.
The war had wrecked havoc on the farm lands of Gaza- thanks to the Israeli tanks and heavy equipment….greenhouses were destroyed, storages were destroyed and standing crops/trees destroyed too. Thanks to support to farmers after the war, the production of fruits and vegetables was recovering - with the greenhouses being repaired and attempts at kick-starting the production, wherever possible, with or without the greenhouses. Fruit trees are being replanted- though at a slower pace. The farmers, cannot hope to achieve the levels of prosperity they enjoyed before the siege made it impossible for them to export their excess produce, still, they are able to sell their produce within Gaza. Maintaining agricultural land cultivated also serves a strategic purpose of asserting their presence on the land and therefore making it a bit tougher for the Israeli forces to edge the buffer zone further into Gaza- without a fight!

Psychosocial support had been received in some form or other by many, especially among kids. UN had unleashed a huge programme on this count. The point is with what effectiveness!

I heard that many ambulances were allowed in after the war and some of them by now had been converted into public transport. Not ideal but not too bad…..they are not cars for the rich and atleast fills part of the void of public transportation when replacements are not available thanks to the manic siege!

And yes, more motorcycles- all smuggled from the tunnels! (it’s a wonder what these tunnels will get in)….and like motorcyclists everywhere- they have added to manic driving in the city, roaring past on obscene speeds, roaring away in their macho world…..with dire consequences for others ofcourse!

It was summer, so the beach was full of families (inspite of one Hamas dictat- which was later withdrawn)….the parks were full of families too….was so good to see this sign of ‘normalcy’!! Families and couple out till 11-12.00 in the night! Great!
I was there in Gaza for kick-starting a capacity building process. It was with this group that I felt the biggest change towards normalcy….last time people were ONLY talking about the war, the planes, the near misses etc…..this time, it seems that people had settled down and were allowing less weighty matters to peek out more and more - men were busy eyeing eye candies in the group, complaining about food/airconditioning, gossiping about whether the eye candy of a translator fancied my colleague from Gaza, women were talking about family picnics to the beach, the plans for Ramadan……Goooood!

But there are things that showed no change….skirmishes with Israeli forces continue on a daily basis. Shooting at Palestinian farmers trying to plough their land in the unofficial ‘buffer zone ’ (I think the Israeli game plan is to have whole of Gaza coming under buffer zone in next 100 years….to be achieved in baby steps broken down into a day by day plan of squeezing the population), Israeli bulldozers levelling land in the buffer zone, Israeli missile from the sea…EACH AND EVERY DAY! Hamas from Gaza fire missiles too…each of which is retaliated to immediately and fiercely….with a couple of deaths atleast. The local joke in Gaza is that the Hamas missiles are bad…..because they don’t kill in any case….and in cases where it does manage to kill, it is usually that of a fellow Palestinian from Gaza (u see these missiles go up and often don’t follow the parabola but drop vertically …much like scenes from Tom and Jerry)!

‘I don’t know why we have kids in Gaza. I did not want to have kids. Kids makes one more scared of all that is happening around. But I had no choice….and I have kids’….my collegue from an NGO’s words hit home.

Another mess that continues to thrive- war or no war is the political mess of Gaza. Gaza must have the highest density per sq km of political parties /political/religious groups in the world! Hamas, the ruling party is largely considered (and rightfully so) a strict religious group….they have effectively changed Gaza from being fairly liberal to a state where it is largely conservative. And surely, the impact is most starkly visible on women….more and more head covering, lesser independent movement etc. Still, a small space for dialogue remains ….Hamas frequently comes out with dictats and in many cases, backs down later. However, all this still serves to reinforce among people that playing safe = being conservative. But this tiny space for dialogue is of critical importance and one which needs to be retained.

Fatah, the other major political group (the ones in power in West Bank) is in shambles due to political targeting, widespread corruption and aged political heads who have lost the pulse of the community. It was in face of tried and tested Fatah and its corruption, that the people of Gaza had voted for change in 2006- and landed with Hamas which has become equally corrupt now….but who retain their confidence of needing a couple of months to get their support base back in their folds (don’t ask me how)!

And then there are range of other collections- ranging from ones who make (and call) Hamas liberal to those who are really more liberal and ‘social’ oriented. All of these have smaller support bases, none of which, in the present scenario, is large enough to win the elections! There is hope, however, for a positive change next time around.

It was one of such smaller groups that lead me into the biggest excitement while in Gaza!

14th August, the day when Gaza (and Palestine) was declared an Islamic Emirate by Abdel Latif Mussa, head of Jund Ansar Allah group, from a mosque in Rafah, South Gaza. Mussa (may his soul wander aimlessly forever) was an extreme fundamentalist who actually called Hamas ‘liberal’. His group had been torching internet cafes, restaurants, beauty parlours and children centres for a while in Gaza. He had no Israel Vs Palestine ideology preferring instead the alliance with larger Muslim brotherhood. Hamas officials went down and dutifully shot down Mussa and his 40 + supporters /family. And then the process of hunting down the supporters who had scurried away began. I woke up in early hrs of the morning on a Sat (thus disturbing my very precious late morning start ritual over a weekend) with machine gun firing away somewhere….bursts every few minutes…….I thought that I should get up and go to the alley in the room where there was no exposure to windows….but was too sleepy and tired after a night time of watching BBC and Al Jazeera tracking the events….so preferred to let my luck save me! Anyway, the shooting was not in the next building in any case! Amazingly, by afternoon, everything was back to normal…..the people were out on streets, the shops were open, sheeshas were bubbling away….life was back to normal…..amazing resilience!!!

Next day my colleague told me this – a stray bullet had pierced through the windows of the room where till 15 mins before the bullet struck, he was sitting with his friend !!! Life and death are seconds away for everyone ….but in some places more than others, one lives out this experience more often …Gaza is surely one of such places!!!

But I had my fun moments in Gaza too. Meeting with some friends- one of whom, in particular, is an inspiration for me….a woman with courage to rebel in Gaza! Spent a great first day of Ramadan with her extended family – 50 people….ranging from ultra religious to ultra liberal- yet having v loving relationships! Then it was the sheeshas/arguilas/ hookahs….Hamas had banned them for a while that I was there….prompting my friends to go on a rebellious frenzy of ordering Hookahs….all of that disappeared as soon as Hamas lifted the ban!! Then it was mangoes….I pigged out on the lovely, variety which I had not had before, excellent Palestinian food (inspite of my vegetarian state)….and finally, the sun (v hot but sun nevertheless)!

Finally, it was time for me to leave Gaza…and time for revisiting the horror of Erez again! The journey back is worse because of all the crazy security checks….baggage checks, full body scans and slow movement from one locked cubicle to another! The Israelis had their piece of fun with me …it was v subtle– nothing that I can even stake a charge of harassment- but it was harassment nevertheless! And then they refused me entry into Israel (visa again)…but that was quickly sorted by a call to UN. If it was illegal then WHY would they allow a person an entry illegally into their country?????

I had a day to prepare myself for Tel Aviv airport! Reached the airport and as per expectation, the Gaza stamp was seen and immediately I was pulled out for special treatment. What follows is a v v v efficient process of security checks….where EVERY piece of what u carry is taken out of the bag, displayed for a length of time infront of everyone while things are rescanned and re re scanned. Then the body check…..metal detectors, frisking….Whew….tired and sleep deprived, I finally did manage to reach the boarding gate!! -Just in time (that’s a guarantee at the airport….the length of torture depends on the amount of time you have in hand)! However, I am still impressed with the security check- this is the ONLY way to prevent terror attacks- that is if it is applied to everyone equally and not targeted on Palestinians and Aid workers.

Now am back, struggling with how to write all that I felt in a readable format!! The calm of Dublin offers the mental space to reflect back on the trip.
Gaza is a very disturbing place to go to. For me, personally, it has been more disturbing than many other places with equally horrific situations. It is not a place where one can honestly sit on the fence…..sides have to be taken and vociferously too! As I try to put a finger on what sets this situation apart, I can come up with the following….though I think there are other reasons which I am not able to put a finger on!

• In most similar situations, one atleast has some International political pressure being applied for the right to happen. In this case, this is largely missing- due to holocaust and defensive attitude of Europe, due to vested interest of US and due to ineffective (and vested interest based) support from Arab world!

• One actually feels like being squeezed and suffocated in Gaza. Locked into a small sliver of land, with no escape route…..it is like spending life a small part of Delhi and not ever being allowed to step out. Suffocation intensifies with the overwhelming and stark evidence of impact on each person’s life and your own when in Gaza. Gaza is effectively surviving only on international aid (and Israel has to pay none of it!). EVERYONE feels that they are HELPLESS to do anything about the situation! In effect, everyone feels like they are caught in a spider web!

• The Israelis…the fanatical conviction that almost all of them (and probably 95% jews) carry about the homeland …to the extent that they have started looking at Palestinians as mere objects….who should be butchered on first opportunity. The seething hatred is so obvious, overwhelming and present everywhere. Not a word and one can feel it! This I feel as a non Palestinian!!.....the scale of this hatred is something which I have not felt anywhere else, in any other situation. It scares me no end…..little kids growing up on staple of hate and knowing that its OK to be cruel to some humans!!! Israel is a country united by only one thing- their hatred for Palestine and Palestinians! What is the future of a country with so much of hatred? Will the country /religion still produce brilliant scientists – like the ones who were my idols as a kid??? Or will it produce only good fighters?? Is not a society dominated by human haters cancerous??? This feeling really chills me to the bone….because in most other places, one has fanatics but most are fence sitters or flowing with the tide…..here almost every Israeli believes in their views and each and every person (from a child upwards) has internalised a role that they need to play and that role is what they effectively play every waking moment. All this would have been excellent if it was built around a positive thought!

• Living life as a second grade citizen…as enshrined by the law, that too in a ‘developed’ country Israel. So, at best, even if one dares to seek justice as a Palestinian against an atrocity, one has to do under the aegis of laws which blatantly favour Jews (for both criminal and civil cases). To give an idea, for a road accident leading to death, the jail term will be shorter for a jew, longer for a Israeli non jew and longest for a Palestinian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, no accessible , just legal avenue available (emphasis: developed country context not in middle of wilderness lorded by a dictator!)

I almost feel that Israelis are doing to Palestinians what was done to them in the holocaust! Only this time, holocaust has already stretched 60+ years!
OK…I know I have rambled on for too too many pages….but hopefully, you will have the patience to go thru a sort of outpouring from my side. I apologise for not making it short and easy to read!

Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own and not of my organisation (as always)! I agree, not all Israelis are bad and neither are all Palestinians good. Finally, personally, I desperately need to meet a great Jew-fast! So please help! (and no, Ross and Monica from Friends will not do!)

First Aid Training- a tryst

First Aid Training: A disaster one signs up for

Let me start this flashback….a century ago, a little girl was pouring over her books learning all about first aid…her exam was the next day and she topped the class. Flashback end. Till about a week ago, what happened in the flashback was my one and only tryst with First Aid ….those were the dark ages when first aid for a snake bite was to suck out the poison from the hole (this has since been changed, or so my nephew tells me, to less suicidal methods).

My next tryst with first aid was not to happen till a week ago.
After making me spend time in Afghanistan’s wilderness with Taliban cannibals lurking about in search of fresh Indian meat, my organisation woke up to the fact that I was not trained in security issues -just before they wanted to pack me off to Darfur. Then they did what every wage earner protecting his salary does. To ensure a tick mark at the right place on the travel form, they sent me off to a first training available right there and then…never mind that it does not fully cover what it is supposed to cover (the hell that matters, the tick anyway only reads ‘when did u do yr security training’). That my friends is the secret behind why did a security MANAGEMENT training vis a vis a personal security/first aid training.

Another year passed by …I survived Darfur, Bangladesh cyclone, Burmese cyclone and central American gun fights……….THEN someone in the organisation woke up to the fact that I was not equipped to go in for emergencies in dangerous areas coz I was not adequately trained on security/first aid aspects!!
Then arose the question of another wage earner- me….I could throw a holy tantrum, give a display of my bandaging capabilities ……..or hand in a resignation. Ofcourse I did what every other wage earner would do… I kept quiet and signed up for another security/first aid training….. This one came with 5 stars , a golden halo around it and ticked all boxes which organisation needed…. (hopefully there will not be revision of security training needs a week from now whose new findings will force me into yet another course)

So, here was I, looking over the vast, snow covered expanse of idyllic, amazingly beautiful outdoors in which sat a perfect, old English house. I must say that the first sight of this peaceful retreat did well at masking what lay ahead.
When the trainers walked in, the motley crowd of ex army/navy /police people with tattoos, super fit bodies and pierced ears that they were, warning bells starting going off in my head. On the issue of pierced ears, I need to clarify that I love pierced ears on men, proof being shw who got it done for me, but then, he comes in a non muscle, baby faced, non military package …and combine effect of that package is as threatening as a bunch of flowers. The trainers were an exact opposite of that- they were 100% threatening with a skull and bones sign flashing in neon red. One of their first question asked by the trainers was ‘how many of you are gym freaks, we have a great gym in this place. Not ONE of the 20 participants from different NGOs raised their hands…..thus making a very pertinent point home -that we all were sure shot candidates for disqualification for working in difficult areas!

The first session started with a disclaimer ‘some images you are about to see are not pleasant but these are real shots which will help us prepare you for the worst’. oo ooo oooh….but I braved on, knowing well that at particularly bad moments, I just have to take off my specs to sink into a blurry world of happiness.
The first ‘practical’ and I knew I was not meant to be in a medical career . We set off in groups ….to be greeted with screams and saw a person who had cut himself with an axe (actually it was a machete). He had a gory wound , one of which was spurting real looking artificial blood like a mal functing pichkari on holi. I and another person were supposed to do the needful. Which is all good but what ‘needful’ can be done by a person (me) who was already feeling quezy and was all nervous….I am amazed at myself (in a negative way)….I knew this is all fake, I knew the blood was fake….and yet, I had a blankout of what I was taught a couple of minutes ago and was feeling quezy at top of it! The poor injured man recognised that he had a particularly bad case on hand and prompted me to take the first step.

I don’t know about u but feeling about a man and then being expected to squeeze his arterial vein in the upper leg area is not exactly something that I was comfortable with. And then, it’s the sheer mechanics, I mean I had to put all my weight on that one little vein to stop it spurting blood all over me…..and to maintain that for 10 mins is something which I, very unfit, feeding as I have been -on irish potatoes, am not really in a good position to do! Anyway, I did what was to be done, forgetting completely the first rule- look out for danger…..I was tending to this man with the end of the machete mm’s away from slicing me up.

The trainers were crazy……each time one would bandage, they would say, tie it tighter…you are supposed to stop the blood flow, not make a channel for its escape! Now tell m, me, if there was a person sitting , no SCREAMING , infront of you with a knife handle on one side of the hand and the knife blade emerging from the other, would you have the heart to ‘tie the bandage tightly’ while he screams even more??? Also, there is a knife to consider, what if he jerks the knife out of his hand and pushes it into yrs……I mean, the trainers think that everyone is a Rambo like them!
I stumbled from one hour to another of the training….and most of all, I dreaded the ‘practicals’. I survived them by running a parallel conversation with myself. You all should try that, it works very effectively in distracting one from what one is doing. Being distracted is not exactly what one should be aiming for in a life threatening situation but I was desperately trying to survive the present moment. The choice that lay before me was building for myself an identity of a kooky student or a fainting, weak hearted kooky student…..since the first description had lesser number of adjectives attached to it, I thought it best to aim for that. I desperately wanted to avoid becoming a folklore story ‘in one of the earlier batches there was a someone ……..’

Well, it was pretty much what happened to me over the next 3 days. I had my specs splattered in blood, almost fell myself trying to support an injured trainer, had blankouts, quezy feeling started as if on a prompt as soon as I started moving away from the lecture room, had a screaming burnt man scream more-at me- when I plonked bandages on his charred skin…….spent a long time looking at a wound with bones showing wondering whether to place pads along the bones or on top of the wound….and finally used bandage pad the wrong side down on the wound …that too on the last of the practicals!

I stopped feeling bad about the some of my mistakes when the can of worms from other groups started coming out in the open- one group RAN in to help a guy who had been shot…..in an area where shooting could be continuing, ….we had people trying to do first aid in middle of a busy road (in a road accident), had someone mouthing flowery expletives while trying to do first aid, had someone who tended to a minor injury while missing on the bigger, life threatening one, a group which talked so much discussing what to do that the trainer playing the part thought it best to declare himself dead…….so I guess I was not the only bumbling idiot (albeit I would have been the best one among the lot)

So, now you all know what happened to me. I wrote this coz all of you are dear to me and I would not like to let you down in yr time of life saving need…, you all are now forewarned. When travelling with me, don’t rely on me for first aid and if possible, please muster up some strength, be around when I am falling faint after looking at your wounds! That could be your last chance to earn a brownie point with the one above …..and will save me from needing first aid.
On a serious note, is it easier for people who eat meat to deal with such situations???? I promise to touch one of those vile things next time it enters my house!

Other learning – to be prepared for any eventuality, then
1. One has to carry a load of stuff and go into extra baggage everytime one travels (will not happen)
2. One needs to have basic things at an arms length at all times (murphy’s law reigns supreme, so will not happen)
3. One needs to be fit to be of any use to oneself or others in a diff situation (always trying but never really there….so yes, will never happen)
4. And travel with hope that the others around you are trained as well (that has a slight possibility of happening but with 1-3 not happening, don’t know how good this one will be)

What good is a first aid training when the first aid packet one carries is pretty much a box full of stuff one can use for a broken hand nail but nothing else! (ok, how many of you carry anything more than band aid, med for headache, for loosies, antibiotic and a swab of cotton/bandage.

The trainers ended the course saying ‘practice will make you all better’ which was a v polite way of saying that we all sucked. They would have liked to use more colourful terms (and I am sure they do that once they have downed their pints in the evenings)….but we are the mullah generators for them…so I guess they were trained before our training on ‘ how to use positive terminology’.
Is one really supposed to practice this at home??? ….it would be weird to go around the house with bandages and trying up shw in them…..will that be taken as harassment by our courts????!!!!

Am ending this with a hope that I, you or in reality, anyone else in this world does not need to be in such a situation and if it does happen, it happens in part of the world which has an efficient ambulance system.

Disclaimer: (I know, u will say, not again…!!) This is not supposed to offend anyone or any organisation. As always, licence to exaggerate has been used to the extent of being classified as an abuse. I stand by every word devoted to me as a character. So, please do not rely on me for first aid!